self-love

there is  TONS of talk about self-love and how important it is to the overall health of your life…while I agree with that, I also think there is some exploration that needs to be done as to what it should look and feel like.

we all see the quotes on tumblr, instagram and every other social media outlet (and yes, I have FOR SURE posted some and will continue to do so…)  and I dig them, A LOT, but the love of one’s self is far more complex than just simply stating “love yourself more.”

speaking from personal experience, self-love is not easy for me. I grew up in a “you can be better, do more, be thinner, behave nicer household etc etc etc” and to one’s credit I earned my drive and relentlessness for success but on the flip side I was and am incredibly insecure about certain things in my life, especially as it pertains to vulnerability and emotions.

when somethings goes awry in my life I often think, “what did I do wrong, was I not good enough, how could I have prevented getting hurt, where did I fuck up?” instead of letting that shit go. Now, there are plenty of situations that deserve proper attention and investigating and there are many more that need nothing more than a deep exhale and a “next!”…

I am not going to wake up one day and just love myself to perfection, no, not so much. But…in the past year or so I have started to come into my own in a really special & authentic way…there is no better compliment from someone who knows you telling you that you look supremely happy from the inside. The past ten months of so have certainly been a challenge, but they have also been some of the best learning moments.

being single and alone forces you to choose yourself over anything and anyone else. I dig it. A lot. I have not done that in thirty years. whether I was giving all my attention to work, boyfriends, yoga or blah blah and more blah it was always something other than yours truly.

the good news is that being lonely these days is pretty awesome. I have learned I have some of the bestest friends in the world, I am growing closer to my family again, I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin…growth…serious growth.

the other bonus to loving yourself is when you find out some shitty news from your past it doesn’t bring me to tears, dehabilitate my emotions or take me out of my vibe. Proof of that today. Life continues to challenge me and I continue to accept it. BRING IT ON LIFE!

There is a lot we can accomplish in our life and learning to love myself will constantly be on the “in progress” list for me. I do not intend on checking this big rock off because I plan on evolving & I will choose to learn about myself through the lens of compassion rather than judgment. These life bumps are just  mini re-calibrations to ensure I am still on track…am I living from an authentic space? acting from a pure heart? speaking with an honest voice? Its reactionary to go the judgement route and obsess over the hurt and pain, and there IS a time and a place for that all, promise…It is actually harder to pause, reflect, take on what needs action and leave behind what needs to stay in the past.

so, today was a big W in the self-love journey. I am super excited to seize up this life with passion, smiles, fun and lots of laughter. I have a feeling the rest of 2013 and 2014 are going to be so rad.