Situations, people, challenges, relationships, goals, obstacles, responsibilities and anything and everything in our life can be so overwhelming to the extent that we cannot see beyond the struggle. I feel like I have been living in this exact moment for too many years too long.
I cannot do this alone. I cannot live this life by myself. I am not the best at everything. I am not the expert of all things. I am not the be all end all. But what I do know, what I feel right now, what I am in this moment…that I know.
I am ready.
I am open to connect.
I am vulnerable.
I am love.
I am in transition.
I am flawed.
There has been a world of hurt I have clung to because it was safe. The disappointment, the heartbreak, the patterns of chaos were familiar and giving them up meant I was forced to face who I was, where I was going and who I was meant to become.
Taking a sledgehammer to my emotional armor has been one my biggest challenges to date. I am blessed to have a small gang of experts in their craft to share their insight and coaching to elevate my game in all aspects of life.
Stepping back from certain situations, people, challenges, relationships, goals, obstacles and responsibilities has given me perspective to dissect each one in its own light. When you evaluate all of the above from a place of clarity life gets a lot less complicated.
Now clarity, that shit is deceiving. There have been instances I thought I was making a sound decision from clarity when in reality I was operating out of loneliness, insecurity, pressure or projection. There wasn’t clarity. There was representation of who I was, but not me. Not my true self.
So, I step back. I pull away. I retreat. I reflect. I pause. I stop. I ponder. I evaluation. I get real.
When I make moves based on my values, well, that shit is not deceiving, it is clear as day. The choices feel good. There is a gut response that says; yes, hell yes, no or fuck no. I rely on my physical reaction because I have connected to these values on a deeper level. That is an accomplishment in itself.
When I feel my gut instinct, you know what I am talking about…I get it when I hear people speak negatively about me, or when I accidentally see the text message from that girl who is “just a friend,” or on a lighter note when I hear my nephew laugh…these all give me a sensation that allows me to step back and decide how I will react? Will I give my words, actions or energy to this moment? If I do, how will I care for myself as I do this? Am I operating from my values? Am I speaking from my voice or the voice I think I should use?
Step Back. It has been my jam for a few months. It has been lonely, that I will not lie, but necessary. In order for me to be ready, open to connect, vulnerable…I need to be at peace and stand firmly in my values.
When I peel away the bullshit, I see what matters…I am able to FEEL what sparks my fire. It is easy to feel numb because we are overstimulated all day everyday. Lack of awareness will continue infinitely because we are fooled to believe we are fulfilled with all the outside shit but on the inside we are missing out. Believe me, I was smacked around with that reality. But I am here to encourage you to keep exploring…take the liberty to step back for any amount of time until you are clear and ready to move forward.
Step Back. Move Forward.
It is a dance that I am thrilled to learn and re-learn each and everyday. That is the beauty of this life and who we are as humans. We can decide who we are and what we want to become. I hope I am not the same person I was two years ago, I can only strive to be a better version with the intention of improving a lil more each day…