How Will I Know?

One of my most embarrassing moments as a young girl was singing (or belting, screeching, or even yelping in some instances) into a purple plastic flashlight thinking I was going to be the world’s next white Whitney Houston. Whitey was my go-to…the 80s to late 90s Whitney…anything after that was just, well, not my karaoke choice.

Anywhoooooo…I would sing like I had zero worries, or better yet had no connection to the lyrics. Someone wise once told me to open your eyes and ears to the inspiration that is all around you. And let me confirm that inspiration is EVERYWHERE. We just have to peel back the blinders and be willing to receive this inspiration.

In my lonely nights of dating my DVR, writing and decorating my home, I have been listening to words, to lyrics, to passionate poetry through song. Now, I am sucker for some dirty hip hop, yes, dirty…but I also am moved to a numbing degree to the soulful and sensual sounds of other genres.

The last few months I have been obsessing over Sam Smith ever since I heard his acoustic version of Latch by Disclosure. 

And tonight I was watching Grey’s Anatomy while multi-texting, instagramming and working on my laptop and it was like to world stopped…Sam Smith covering Whitney Houston’s “How Will I know”…yes, it was like fate…I could hear his voice miles away and I can recognize those lyrics at any hour. Pure perfection.

Here is the link to the Grey’s Anatomy clip…

I feverishly searched for this rendition – to now avail it is NO WHERE. I am having a small panic attack as I type this because I need this song in my life on repeat. So to sooth my soul I looked up the lyrics of this song and I felt it was appropriate to chat about…

There’s a boy I know, he’s the one I dream of 
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above 
Ooh I lose control, can’t seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love

How will I know (Don’t trust your feelings) 
How will I know 
How will I know (Love can be deceiving) 
How will I know 
How will I know if he really loves me 
I say a prayer with every heart beat 
I fall in love whenever we meet 
I’m asking you what you know about these things 
How will I know if he’s thinking of me 
I try to phone but I’m too shy (can’t speak) 
Falling in love is all bitter sweet 
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, I’m shaking, wish I had you near me now 
Said there’s no mistaking, what I feel is really love 

If he loves me, if he loves me not

It is like this constant give and take, cat and mouse playtime, a yes/no or maybe thing that is leaving so many of in the not sure, maybe, kind of, gray area of who the fuck knows what is next. True story though…How will I know? I have no club. Sigh.

Well, I think I will know because the communication will be there, the actions will be present, the connection will palpable and the chemistry will be off the charts…

I may not sing into purple plastic flashlights anymore but I listen…I listen A LOT and am open to any opportunity to reflect on where I am and who I am in this moment and how I can shift where I am to be where I want to be…and one day, I will know because that partner will be right there without hesitation.

Until then it is this…right here…basking in the beauty of seeing the inspiration in any and all things BEAUTIFUL. 


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