You win some & lose some along the way but those that are meant to be in your journey will be there. Look for the lesson in the loss.

Loyalty doesn’t have to be ride or die – that can be extreme, but loyalty certainly needs to be fair, honest and curated from a pure heart.

I know pure heart – reaaaaaal well – in fact I was told today when I was talking about someone I lit up, my eyes, my smile, my energy shifted – now what that means, I have no clue and may never know but it gives me a moment to reflect on loyalty.

DSC_9157 - Version 2

sometimes. Yes – I say love a LOT because I do love a LOT – but there are so many different kinds of love that not all love is the kind we assume it is…I’m just sensing this endemic of loosely associating action to loyalty and it’s a tad disappointing.

What happened to transparency, honesty and knowing where one stands in a friendship, courtship, relationship…there is one kind of loyalty that I’ve been slacking on…and that’s my loyalty to myself…

Am I really being honest in asking myself these questions? And better yet, am I answering them with the answers I need and NOT what I think the situation or the other person wants…

How do I feel? What do I want? Who can I serve?

I’ve put myself on hold for far too long…29 years really (I am not saying the full 30 because I did get my wake up call this past year, I think I just hit the snooze button) I have stuffed my unsaid feelings down for a while and that hasn’t exactly given me what I’ve wanted so maybe it’s time to leap and reconnect with the loyalty to my self love and respect.


2 thoughts on “loyalty?

  1. I am not sure how I stumbled apon your blog, But I am so happy I did. I am at a transitioning point in my life. My 10yr relationship that I was lead to believe was as good as marriage ended. And the custody battle for our then 5yr old began, and just ended this past Dec. I had moved to MN for his career, where we lived and started a “family”. I am back now in CA, the home and life I left behind, except I am almost 100lbs heavier, and the life I left happened 11yrs ago. So I have been trying to hit the restart button and get back on my feet. b/c we were not married and I trusted him when only HIS name was on everything. I was left with my clothes that he desided to ship me. Yes! This did happen. 10yrs of building, GONE. And I had no legal ground. I honestly, stupidly trusted him. Well, He was cheating and found someone else and now they are using all of our stuff. And now this women who is living my life, has a daughter in my daughters kindergarden class. So I have to revisit these feelings that I am trying to move past from EVERY time I go to the school. And I see her and him and they seem so happy together. And on top, my Father just passed last month, who I was helping take care of when I wasn’t with my daughter. So my heart is hurting. I lost a lot of loves. I loved my old house, I loved my old pots and pans, I loved my old neighborhood & wonderful neighbors and my MN friends, and I loved my old garden that I worked so hard on, I loved my “husband”, I love my dad. I love the other 50% of my daughter’s life that I no longer get to be a part of. And I have to hide my feelings, and just pretend like nothing happened, and just bounce back and move on, because that is what a strong women would do. And that is what is socially exceptable. I’ve been faking that I don’t have these feelings. You know,” fake it, till you make it.”
    Your blog is inspiring. I’m living in this hoodie-towdie, superficial, bubble, where if you have emotion or feelings you are weak. Your blog made me feel as if there is still hope. That there are people out there who Are not afraid to be transparent, who are honest and who is ok with saying the word love a lot. You seem like such a lovly person on the inside and out. And you have inspired me not to lock up my heart, and throw away the key. I’m going to just go ahead and feel this pain so I can mend and love again another day. Thank You

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. This is just the beginning for you, I can feel it. To things happen to strong people. We are meant to into our so we can try and later on. Let your light shine, open your heart, be willing to live your life with abandon and passion. I absolutely believe in you, even though we’ve never met, you have the wherewithal to make this happen

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